letter trio

dear neighborhood old navy (henceforth known as n/o/n) -

you are one of my favorite o/n stores and trust me, i have visited quite a few. for some reason, your store seems to be well- organized (like today in the clearance section how everything was organized BY COLOR - kudos n/o/n and your j crew-like ways!). generally, you are also able to avoid looking like yall just dumped the recently delivered sweaters onto the tables and said "screw it" to folding them since they are going to get unfolded within a few minutes anyway. so typically, i like walking around to see what all i can gather in my arms. and today, trust, i was doing quite a bit of gathering (yoga pants are SUPER cheap this week, how could i not?) and was having quite a good time . . .

until i was accosted by your overly enthusiastic salesperson, dan. dude. dan. when you asked me (okay, honestly, you SCREECHED it at me) the first five times "if i was having a pleasant shopping experience" and i answered "mmhmm, yep, yes" or just simply nodded i was being honest. but when you asked me for the 11th time, i'll be honest, my answer was a bold-faced lie. but it was a lie i felt like i had to tell because if i said no then HOLY CRAP you might want to HELP me and dan, dan, dan, that just wasn't going to happen. and hey. did you notice when you asked if i wanted to sign up for an o/n-gap-banana card how quickly i ran to the front of the store to get away from you? oh wait? you didn't? that's riiiiiiiiiiight, 'cause as soon as i said no, your head whipped around to the poor lady next to me and you started the whole accosting experience over with her.

so in conclusion n/o/n, i do not plan on boycotting your store. (um, hello? your yoga pants are my fave!) but if you could, please, just post dan's schedule so i know when i should avoid dropping by.

thanks ever so much,
sarah

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dear chipotle man #1,

i love me a meal from chipotle. i do! and maybe since i go way too often (thanks missy!) it is more of a statement on my character that i can spit my order out and be in and out all in 3 minutes. but seriously my friend, i have NEVER waited behind someone so freakishly picky about their order in my life. and you were RUDE to the chick making it even though she was trying her hardest to make sure she followed all 138 of your directions.

also. you never said thank you to them. even though they spent 12 1/2 minutes waiting on you.

boo.
-sarah

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dear chipotle man #2,

first of all, let's get this straight, i was here first. wait in line, buddy. you are creeping me out a little when you come stand directly behind me, 'cause sir, that ain't how it works at chipotle. stand to my left, please. preferably at least 12 inches away. oh. or 2? seriously - creeping me out.

secondly, yes, i know that man #1 is FREAKING ANNOYING and slow, but just because i agree with you, please do not make it look like i am in cahoots with your verbal (and grammatically incorrect) assault on his pokiness. and c'mon people! what is with being rude to the workers today? making them dump your "carnitas bowl" (with no rice? what is that about? it's the best part of chipotle!) and start over because in the 30 seconds it sat there it got cold? whatever. also. that guy behind the counter? he speaks english. better than you, actually, so please quit talking to him like he's an idiot.

again, no thanks to your burrito maker? you suck.

-sarah

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editor's note: i would like to add that neither of the experiences to either of these establishments will prevent me from spending money there pretty much every thursday. it's what i do.