wasting time.

if you have ever checked out the blog roll to the right, you will have noticed how about orange.  i LOVE this site.  yes . . . the orange is the obvious reason, but she also has really great DIY tips that i bookmark like crazy for that day i have a house with walls i can paint and build things into.  anyway.  she posted a link to this quiz today to see what your decorating style is.  i've seen lots of these, but this one is my favorite.  plus, i think it got me right on . . . with a nearly three way tie of classic, cottage chic, and rustic revival.  

a purge

so i don't write tons about my job on here. for a variety of reasons. but mainly because really the only people who like to talk english teacher stuff are, well, other english teachers. and also - i don't know if you know this or not - but when a teacher gets going, they can really get going and some might perceive such "venting" as "whining" and that really isn't the case at all. for me anyway.

most of the time.

but for the sake of honesty, let's just say this hasn't been the easiest year for me when it comes to doing what i normally do best - connecting with my kiddos. and i know that everybody has years like this. ebb and flow and all of that. it's just, i HAVEN'T for a long long long time (like maybe since 2001-2002?). and for me, if i don't feel like i'm connecting then i also don't feel like i'm teaching at the same level that i hold myself up to. and for a perfectionist (don't laugh. i hide it very well.) that is extremely hard to deal with. so my reaction hasn't been probably the best one i could have. i feel myself pulling further away from my kids instead of working to build relationships. and i also find myself blaming my students - for being too cynical, for not being very open, for being apathetic . . .

and then the guilt sets in because i have three weeks like i've just had. when every. single. day. i learn something new about a different student. and yall, these new pieces of knowledge are things i wish i didn't have to know. simply because NO child should have to have these experiences in their story. and again, for the sake of honesty, there's nothing i can do to FIX anything. and THAT is hard to admit.

why am i writing about this today? i don't really know. other than maybe it is a means to explain why i haven't been writing much of the fluff lately? it seems trite to hear what i hear during the day and then come home and write about slicing my finger while cutting tomatoes or to write about my new obsession with napping . . .

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and even though they aren't really connected, but are somewhat related, i guess now is the time to address something else: hopefully in the next few months i'll be able to tell you i am employed in oklahoma. cuz yep. it's time to get on the road again. most of you who read this already knew this was coming, but nothing's a secret now. i've let the appropriate people at work know, so now i feel like i can freely share all job-related anxiety with the "masses." i am in the process of retrieving all of my transcripts (note to the young'uns - DON'T TAKE SUMMER SCHOOL FROM A DIFFERENT COLLEGE EVERY SUMMER) in order to process my oklahoma certification. i'll find out about my test on march 6 and will have another chance to retake it if i need to in april. so. if you are a pray-er please keep this whole job hunt thing in mind. i'm ready to be closer to my family (hi ica and j and k!) and my okies and to have season tickets to osu football (yes. a little facetious here. but not much.). this is a decision i'm very confident in. as you can tell from above, i'm probably in need of a change.

test

so i haven't been in a writing mood lately. if you are someone who reads this who also emails me on a regular basis, you will definitely agree. this week i have an excuse . . . i've been consumed with this test i am taking this afternoon. and also. i got sick.

again.

where did my immunity go? typically, it's one really bad cold a year for me, but this year, i swear, it's been like one a month. and yall. seriously. it's old.

but whatever.

the test. yeah. i finally kind of admitted to myself that after 8 years in the classroom, i am ready for a change next year. so suddenly this specialist exam means a whole lot more to me than just a few extra bucks in the salary department. i'm not a good test taker in general - i mean i typically do okay, but i over analyze EVERYTHING (hello! english major in college!) - so then when you throw in the impact this could have ON THE REST OF MY LIFE. geez. stress.

but. i've been promised margaritas this evening. coupled with the nyquil i am taking all thoughts of this test will be long gone by about 7:30.

manic monday #2

maybe all mondays are going to be like this for a while . . . 

so here is this week's running mix.  my brain is tired, so even though i feel like i should maybe write more, i also feel like anything i write is going to sound somewhat stupid . . . 

so yeah.  the list.

1. penny on the train track - ben kweller (who like at least 7 people told me to check out last year, but i ignored them and now i'm all, why did i ignore them?  since saturday, i've become OBSESSED.)
2. the long way around - dixie chicks (this is off of their sassy last album and it is my FAVORITE song even though "not ready to make nice" got all of the attention.)
3. think - aretha franklin (dude.  did you hear they want to put the hat in the smithsonian?  and she is still DEBATING?!  does she not realize her hat could be alongside the fonze's jacket and the ruby slippers and archie bunker's chair?  oh and yeah, some flag, too.)
4. if i were a boy - beyonce (or sasha fierce?  i don't understand the title of her new album)
5. devil town - bright eyes (nothing smart to say here.  just a damn good song.)
6. shout out loud - amos lee (see above.)
7. a long way to get - bob schneider (bob is hot.  why would i not include his tunes?)
8. what a catch, donnie - fall out boy (i think this title sounds like a billy joel title, which is probably why i like it.)
9. halfway home - jason mraz (from his live at java joe's cd.  if you don't understand the appeal of the mraz listen to this cd.  boy can sing.  and this song is the best example of it.)

i just realized i put nine songs that i like to sing along with all on the same playlist.  oh, the poor little old ladies that work out with me and who already think i am crazy for running are going to get a kick out of their nightly concert now.

oh.  and ben kweller.  this is the video of the song above.  it features his grandmother.  like really features her.