letter trio

dear neighborhood old navy (henceforth known as n/o/n) -

you are one of my favorite o/n stores and trust me, i have visited quite a few. for some reason, your store seems to be well- organized (like today in the clearance section how everything was organized BY COLOR - kudos n/o/n and your j crew-like ways!). generally, you are also able to avoid looking like yall just dumped the recently delivered sweaters onto the tables and said "screw it" to folding them since they are going to get unfolded within a few minutes anyway. so typically, i like walking around to see what all i can gather in my arms. and today, trust, i was doing quite a bit of gathering (yoga pants are SUPER cheap this week, how could i not?) and was having quite a good time . . .

until i was accosted by your overly enthusiastic salesperson, dan. dude. dan. when you asked me (okay, honestly, you SCREECHED it at me) the first five times "if i was having a pleasant shopping experience" and i answered "mmhmm, yep, yes" or just simply nodded i was being honest. but when you asked me for the 11th time, i'll be honest, my answer was a bold-faced lie. but it was a lie i felt like i had to tell because if i said no then HOLY CRAP you might want to HELP me and dan, dan, dan, that just wasn't going to happen. and hey. did you notice when you asked if i wanted to sign up for an o/n-gap-banana card how quickly i ran to the front of the store to get away from you? oh wait? you didn't? that's riiiiiiiiiiight, 'cause as soon as i said no, your head whipped around to the poor lady next to me and you started the whole accosting experience over with her.

so in conclusion n/o/n, i do not plan on boycotting your store. (um, hello? your yoga pants are my fave!) but if you could, please, just post dan's schedule so i know when i should avoid dropping by.

thanks ever so much,
sarah

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dear chipotle man #1,

i love me a meal from chipotle. i do! and maybe since i go way too often (thanks missy!) it is more of a statement on my character that i can spit my order out and be in and out all in 3 minutes. but seriously my friend, i have NEVER waited behind someone so freakishly picky about their order in my life. and you were RUDE to the chick making it even though she was trying her hardest to make sure she followed all 138 of your directions.

also. you never said thank you to them. even though they spent 12 1/2 minutes waiting on you.

boo.
-sarah

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dear chipotle man #2,

first of all, let's get this straight, i was here first. wait in line, buddy. you are creeping me out a little when you come stand directly behind me, 'cause sir, that ain't how it works at chipotle. stand to my left, please. preferably at least 12 inches away. oh. or 2? seriously - creeping me out.

secondly, yes, i know that man #1 is FREAKING ANNOYING and slow, but just because i agree with you, please do not make it look like i am in cahoots with your verbal (and grammatically incorrect) assault on his pokiness. and c'mon people! what is with being rude to the workers today? making them dump your "carnitas bowl" (with no rice? what is that about? it's the best part of chipotle!) and start over because in the 30 seconds it sat there it got cold? whatever. also. that guy behind the counter? he speaks english. better than you, actually, so please quit talking to him like he's an idiot.

again, no thanks to your burrito maker? you suck.

-sarah

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editor's note: i would like to add that neither of the experiences to either of these establishments will prevent me from spending money there pretty much every thursday. it's what i do.

dear students

yes. i know it must be odd to get a letter from your teacher as she is out sick today. yesterday, many of you pointed out that i looked "awful" and that i needed to "get some sleep." several of you wondered out loud why didn't i "just stay home?" well. i have taken your advice today. thanks for the sweet words of encouragement (?) yesterday.

and i know a few of you saw me running around the halls this morning and are probably confused as to why i was up at school on a sick day. i have yet to figure that out myself. did i really need to be there to usher my WRAP kids into their yearbook photo? nah. jb had that under control. was it really important that my 4th period's homecoming poster got hung up today? nah. we all know it ain't gonna win. and honestly, do you really think i am going to grade the big bag of your work that i loaded up and brought home with me? ha. laugh with me here, because we know that is definitely NOT gonna happen. so why was i there?

it wasn't really the brightest decision on my part, especially since it meant that i got to meet the substitute. yes. you've all met him by now, too, i am sure. so you no doubt understand why it was all i could do, after a 2 minute conversation with him, to restrain myself from telling him (with the faint and croaky voice i can squeak out), "you know what? i'll just stay." i am sure you have wondered to yourselves by this point, why someone who hardly speaks english*, let alone reads it, felt that the best place they are most qualified to serve the community is in an 8th grade ENGLISH classroom. with EIGHTH GRADERS. who, if you are quite honest with your adolescent selves, are not the easiest group of students to wrangle. and that's coming from someone has spent 8 years of her life with your kind and has learned to keep the panic and terror out of her eyes when conversing with you. something your dear sub has not yet mastered, which means you have probably quickly found a way to torture him and scar/scare him for life.

so there isn't really a point to this letter. it's not like i can control what happens in my classroom today. instead i just have to hope that the majority of you step up and show compassion to this man (and your sick and obsessing teacher trapped at home) and refuse to allow your classmates to take advantage of him. if anything, just please, keep the floor clean.

thanks. i'll see you monday.
-miss h

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*i say this as someone who has an extremely liberal stance when it comes to english as our national language. i'm normally not one to say, "why can't you just speak our language?" but let's just say, three days of the nyquil diet has left my patience very raw. and yall. i leave things color-coded for subs. he didn't understand the color-codes!

dear best buy

after researching digital cameras, i was excited to find that the product i decided i wanted to purchase was listed at a very good discounted price on your website.  i double-checked to make sure that the pricing would be valid at the store before i went to buy it.  nothing indicated that it was an internet only price.  however, once i did get to the store, the camera was not marked with the discounted price.  when i asked the sales associated about it, he pulled up the website and found the on sale price as well, so (as he should have) he sold me the camera with that price.  

i am concerned about this pricing discrepancy.  the difference was close to $70, which is significant.  i feel that such a price difference is quite dishonest to your customers.  if i had not looked at your website, i would not have known of the cheaper price because the camera did ring up at the full price at the register.  due to this dishonesty, i will avoid shopping at your store in the future.  i will also make sure all of my friends and family are aware of the pricing differences between your website and stores so that they will not be taken advantage of either.

thank you,

sarah

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yeah.  this is a REAL letter.  i'm printing it and mailing it tomorrow.  (well, i'll probably edit a little bit and add some capital letters - ha!)  a SEVENTY dollar difference between online and the store is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous.  so yall.  double check before you go shopping there . . . who knows, other stores are probably doing this, too.  

BUT, i did get a new camera.  it was time.  below are three pictures taken last weekend, which are pretty good indicators of that.  i would like to point out that a different person took each of the pictures, so it wasn't just me and my lack of photographic ability. 

so yeah.  now i just have to find something other than lucy to take pictures of.  speaking of lucy - here is one of lucy and ella together last weekend.  (also a really good shot of my favorite pair of flip flops!)  i doubt the size difference will stay that way much longer.

dear "emo" kids at the pool

yes. you. don't you remember? you're the ones who didn't even come to the pool wearing swimsuits and instead jumped into the water (thus splashing everyone around you who was trying to bask in the glorious texas sun, i.e. MY BOOK, MY iPOD, and ME) wearing cut off shorts and white tank tops and your requisite stud bracelets and necklaces and chains and jelly bracelets stacked all the way up to your elbows. you're also the ones who must have just discovered how much fun it is to say a variety of F words at the top of your lungs so that people working at sonic a 1/4 mile away can hear you. you're also the ones who secretly have a hannah montana poster hanging in the back of your closet and know all of the words to SOS by the jonas brothers. ahhh. now you know i'm speaking about/to you.

yeah. hey. i just wanted to thank you for reminding me how short six weeks really is and what will be waiting for me at the end of those six weeks. i REALLY appreciate it.

-sarah, the chick who is probably going to be your english teacher next year.  lucky us.

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so apparently this week is the week of letters?  not really my intention, but hey.  it works.

dear t.s.a.

to whom it may concern:

typically, thanks to my 2 months of table waiting experience (CHIMI'S!) and 4 months combined of bath & body works and target retail experience, i am typically quite patient and compassionate and grateful toward people who deal with humanity en masse on a daily basis. in my experience traveling, i have never really had an issue with any of the people who work security at airports, nor have i really found a reason to complain about the controlled chaos generally surrounding checkpoints. is it annoying? yes. do i understand? for the most part.

i do believe there are two reasons why i have never had any problems with t.s.a. 1 - i follow the rules. 2 - i have travelled quite a bit and am not as befuddled as some meandering through your lines. however, this morning while making my way through the tulsa airport, my past pleasant experiences in dealing with your employees faded away. when i approached security in tulsa, i READ THE SIGNS LIKE I ALWAYS DO (remember, rule follower here . . .) and saw clearly what my two line choices were. to the left was the "expert traveler" line (which was NOT clearly marked due to the chaos generally surrounding your gates as mentioned above) and to the right was the "casual traveler" line. now, i realize that i was not on a business trip this weekend, but just because i was on a "vacation" does not mean that i am no less the expert in traveling. because i am a rule follower, i didn't just choose the shorter/faster line (expert traveler). instead, i read the sign to make sure that i was going to the right line so that i would not be a burden to my fellow travelers. the expert sign listed these three criteria - understanding security procedures, traveling light, and fly often. i went though my own mental checklist: all gels and such sealed in a ziploc bag and ready to put in the bin, shoes easy to remove, no water bottles, no laptop, etc. judging from the five business men in front of me who had SUIT JACKETS ON, MUCH LARGER SUITCASES, and LAPTOPS, i decided i was traveling much lighter than these "expert travelers," so i followed them into line. i was in this line for about 7 minutes and then i met the t.s.a. worker i will refer to as THE JUDGE. the judge looked at the five men in front of me and allowed them to continue into the expert line. then, the judge put HER HAND ON MY SHOULDER and started to PUSH me toward the "casual traveler" line that was (by this point) FIVE TIMES as long as the line i was already in.

now. i would go into further detail about the conversation i had with the judge, but it really doesn't have to do with why i was frustrated after my encounter with her. (in the end i did switch lines, but that is because i am a KIND AND GENEROUS person and i realized that there were 300 people behind me waiting to meet her judgement as well, so i didn't want to cause a problem for THOSE people - also, i may have been a little scared of the amazon woman you dispensed to judge us as 'expert' or 'casual.') but as i stewed in the casual traveler line, offended because the judge had pretty much done two things that irritate me more than anything - treated me like someone who was clueless (which i am not!) and like i was guilty of something - and stressed because i kept hearing them call my flight's final boarding, i started to notice a trend. nearly 93.4% of the "expert traveler" line was made up of males. honestly, i am not one to wave the discrimination flag around. i take it very seriously. but, i am bothered by how rash this judge was to assume that only males would have somewhere important to be and that they were 'experts.' by deeming them so, she allowed them all to get through security much faster than the rest of us. those five men who were right next to me initially? you remember, the five who had way more "stuff" to be x-rayed than i did? all five of them were through security THIRTY minutes before me. none of these 'experts' had to run through the airport to board their flight just 15 seconds before it pulled away from the gate.

apparently, the next time i fly i need to remember to bring my list of how many times i have been through security within the last year. will that grant me "expert" status like the boys?

sincerely,
sarah - rule follower and quiet feminist

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not all of the trip was bad . . . yay jan and paul! yall better get busy making me some ice cream. also, just to prove that i don't hate everyone in the service industry, i'd like to suggest (to frequent dallas flyers)  the parking spot at lovefield or your local airport. it is my new favorite place to park and osmar, my shuttle driver, almost made up for the amazon judge who started my morning. almost.

now, if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna go cuddle with my dog who scored "anxious" on her report card from the boarder. this makes me sad for her.