wasting time.

if you have ever checked out the blog roll to the right, you will have noticed how about orange.  i LOVE this site.  yes . . . the orange is the obvious reason, but she also has really great DIY tips that i bookmark like crazy for that day i have a house with walls i can paint and build things into.  anyway.  she posted a link to this quiz today to see what your decorating style is.  i've seen lots of these, but this one is my favorite.  plus, i think it got me right on . . . with a nearly three way tie of classic, cottage chic, and rustic revival.  

a purge

so i don't write tons about my job on here. for a variety of reasons. but mainly because really the only people who like to talk english teacher stuff are, well, other english teachers. and also - i don't know if you know this or not - but when a teacher gets going, they can really get going and some might perceive such "venting" as "whining" and that really isn't the case at all. for me anyway.

most of the time.

but for the sake of honesty, let's just say this hasn't been the easiest year for me when it comes to doing what i normally do best - connecting with my kiddos. and i know that everybody has years like this. ebb and flow and all of that. it's just, i HAVEN'T for a long long long time (like maybe since 2001-2002?). and for me, if i don't feel like i'm connecting then i also don't feel like i'm teaching at the same level that i hold myself up to. and for a perfectionist (don't laugh. i hide it very well.) that is extremely hard to deal with. so my reaction hasn't been probably the best one i could have. i feel myself pulling further away from my kids instead of working to build relationships. and i also find myself blaming my students - for being too cynical, for not being very open, for being apathetic . . .

and then the guilt sets in because i have three weeks like i've just had. when every. single. day. i learn something new about a different student. and yall, these new pieces of knowledge are things i wish i didn't have to know. simply because NO child should have to have these experiences in their story. and again, for the sake of honesty, there's nothing i can do to FIX anything. and THAT is hard to admit.

why am i writing about this today? i don't really know. other than maybe it is a means to explain why i haven't been writing much of the fluff lately? it seems trite to hear what i hear during the day and then come home and write about slicing my finger while cutting tomatoes or to write about my new obsession with napping . . .

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and even though they aren't really connected, but are somewhat related, i guess now is the time to address something else: hopefully in the next few months i'll be able to tell you i am employed in oklahoma. cuz yep. it's time to get on the road again. most of you who read this already knew this was coming, but nothing's a secret now. i've let the appropriate people at work know, so now i feel like i can freely share all job-related anxiety with the "masses." i am in the process of retrieving all of my transcripts (note to the young'uns - DON'T TAKE SUMMER SCHOOL FROM A DIFFERENT COLLEGE EVERY SUMMER) in order to process my oklahoma certification. i'll find out about my test on march 6 and will have another chance to retake it if i need to in april. so. if you are a pray-er please keep this whole job hunt thing in mind. i'm ready to be closer to my family (hi ica and j and k!) and my okies and to have season tickets to osu football (yes. a little facetious here. but not much.). this is a decision i'm very confident in. as you can tell from above, i'm probably in need of a change.

test

so i haven't been in a writing mood lately. if you are someone who reads this who also emails me on a regular basis, you will definitely agree. this week i have an excuse . . . i've been consumed with this test i am taking this afternoon. and also. i got sick.

again.

where did my immunity go? typically, it's one really bad cold a year for me, but this year, i swear, it's been like one a month. and yall. seriously. it's old.

but whatever.

the test. yeah. i finally kind of admitted to myself that after 8 years in the classroom, i am ready for a change next year. so suddenly this specialist exam means a whole lot more to me than just a few extra bucks in the salary department. i'm not a good test taker in general - i mean i typically do okay, but i over analyze EVERYTHING (hello! english major in college!) - so then when you throw in the impact this could have ON THE REST OF MY LIFE. geez. stress.

but. i've been promised margaritas this evening. coupled with the nyquil i am taking all thoughts of this test will be long gone by about 7:30.

manic monday #2

maybe all mondays are going to be like this for a while . . . 

so here is this week's running mix.  my brain is tired, so even though i feel like i should maybe write more, i also feel like anything i write is going to sound somewhat stupid . . . 

so yeah.  the list.

1. penny on the train track - ben kweller (who like at least 7 people told me to check out last year, but i ignored them and now i'm all, why did i ignore them?  since saturday, i've become OBSESSED.)
2. the long way around - dixie chicks (this is off of their sassy last album and it is my FAVORITE song even though "not ready to make nice" got all of the attention.)
3. think - aretha franklin (dude.  did you hear they want to put the hat in the smithsonian?  and she is still DEBATING?!  does she not realize her hat could be alongside the fonze's jacket and the ruby slippers and archie bunker's chair?  oh and yeah, some flag, too.)
4. if i were a boy - beyonce (or sasha fierce?  i don't understand the title of her new album)
5. devil town - bright eyes (nothing smart to say here.  just a damn good song.)
6. shout out loud - amos lee (see above.)
7. a long way to get - bob schneider (bob is hot.  why would i not include his tunes?)
8. what a catch, donnie - fall out boy (i think this title sounds like a billy joel title, which is probably why i like it.)
9. halfway home - jason mraz (from his live at java joe's cd.  if you don't understand the appeal of the mraz listen to this cd.  boy can sing.  and this song is the best example of it.)

i just realized i put nine songs that i like to sing along with all on the same playlist.  oh, the poor little old ladies that work out with me and who already think i am crazy for running are going to get a kick out of their nightly concert now.

oh.  and ben kweller.  this is the video of the song above.  it features his grandmother.  like really features her.

starbucks on saturday

today i went to starbucks to get coffee.  this is unusual for me on a saturday morning because typically i view a triple venti skinny latte with cinnamon (the real stuff, not that horribly syrupy shit that makes me sick) as a treat or relief during the week, i.e. i make a starbucks run when i MUST GET OUT OF THAT BUILDING.  usually, it helps me survive.  (seriously, yall, i like my job, but sometimes - and i'm sure everyone feels like this - those walls feel very tight and confining and on those days i NEVER feel guilty for using my planning period to run around in the fresh air...)

but this morning i have been up and running, so i decided to swing by.  i got my drink and actually remembered to read the quote on the side.  it is one of the best i have ever read off of a cup and it may, just may, be the best representation of my life philosophy.  i may have to steal it for a future resume or job application.  do you think it would be looked upon poorly to quote a starbucks cup when trying to get a new job?

our prejudices arise from the fear of things we do not understand.  if my generation has a single goal, it must be to promote education - education that advances us not only technologically, but also intuitively and emotionally.  in today's fast-paced world, advancing has to mean more than scientific discovery; it is our responsibility to force ourselves beyond our comfort zones and become knowledgeable about the people around us. - jessica arden ettinger

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THE reason i am up and going today is that i got a call from haverty's at 8:30 that they would be at my door in 30 minutes . . . and they were!!!  so i've gots a new bed.  now i am feeling quite motivated to hang up all of the stuff on the walls in my place.  you know, all of that stuff i've had for like a year that is still just leaning up against furniture?  yep.  that stuff.  maybe by the end of the weekend it will look like i live here again.

not that you REALLY care, but here is my bed . . . and it is MADE.

here is the foot of my bed.  i don't quite know why.

and here is what my bed will look like on a regular basis.

tres vestidos

it was an "ice event" here in north texas today.  for me, that means i slept in and then spent the rest of the day cleaning.  it doesn't matter that you can't really tell i cleaned . . . that tends to happen when you drag everything out of your closets to decide what to keep and what to give away.  i'm giving away a lot.  this is a good thing, i have to keep reminding myself.  to feel better about clearing perfectly good clothes out of my closet, i am looking for clothes i would rather have on this magical land of the internet.  in just under 5 minutes i found these three dress from anthropologie.  i don't know if i will actually buy any of them - i tend to turn very practical when i walk into anthropologie and can't seem to shell out the money . . . but i may just have to break down so i can have a summer frock this year . . . or drop a big enough hint toward my people who sew . . .

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the last one is my absolute favorite.  i don't know if the detailing on it will show through here or not, but i HEART it.  

a lot.

time for bed before i drift over to j. crew.

manic monday

it's been a day.  i'll just leave it at that.  such a day, that it's not even 7:30 and i've already been to the gym and am back curled up on the couch.  usually, i'm just now getting ready to head out, but i've decided sleep will be a necessity tonight to deal with the twitterpations of 7th and 8th graders (and their teachers!  yes, me included!) hoping for a "snow day" on wednesday . . . 

hey!  did yall notice the new changes on the blog?  i decided to go all white and use my favoritest colors (orange and green - duh!) more obviously.  the "old" look was almost a year old and it was time to retire the very cool masthead that jessica not the sister made for me when i moved the myspace blog out into the public.  since i am still completely ignorant in all things photoshop, this time i hit up cody to help me out.  i sent her the link to my new favorite website (yeah, i don't know where this started, but let's just say i can't wait until i've got more cabinet space...) and told her some of the patterns i really liked and she used her graphic design skills to  help me out.  so thanks friends!

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so i've decided that on mondays i'm going to start a new happening here on the blog called "music mondays."  really, this is for two selfish reasons: 1 - it will make me write at least one thing a week and 2 - since i'm planning to post my weekly running soundtrack, it will keep me motivated in that direction.  also, i've gotten very lazy with the musics lately and am not searching out new and good stuff.  so, um, maybe this will help?  i dunno.

okay.  i decided last week that i needed a new running playlist when it dawned on me that i was probably the only one in the gym running to old billy joel songs.  (and what?  i'm not apologizing.  it had just been about 6 months since i'd updated and i do love me some billy joel circa 1984.)  feel free to suggest any songs you think i need to include in my playlist for next week.

1. i try - ben taylor*

2.  girls just want to have fun - greg laswell 

3. paper planes - m.i.a. (there is another version of this on the slumdog millionaire soundtrack that is really great . . . just a little too long for my playlist)

4. heartless - kanye west

5. my life would suck without you - kelly clarkson

6. hate that i love you - rihanna and chris brown (rihanna is always on my list.)

7. get silly - v.i.c.

8. always be my baby - mariah carey (yeah, i totally had a flashback to high school and driving in jenno's car after school)

9. love lockdown - kanye west

* so the new genius on itunes suggested ben taylor's cover of macy gray's "i try" to me.  usually, i ignore those suggestions, but i'd always been curious about ben taylor (he's the musical spawn of james taylor and carly simon) so i fell for the suggestion.  i am SO glad i did.  check out the somewhat creepy fan video below.  i tried to find a good video of him singing, but 'twas not possible.